Clearly this is erratic

Wow, my last post was over two years ago. Clearly the plan to blog regularly about knitting didn't pan out.  I have something I want to talk about, but I'm not sure how consistent future posts will be.

Lately I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety. It seems to come out of nowhere and it seizes my brain. If there's been something I've been worrying about, that worry rolls over and over and over in my brain. It's not crippling or debilitating, but it definitely makes it harder to focus.

Anxiety is odd. There is no one size fits all for anxiety. Anyone who is effected by it will describe it to you in a million different ways.  Sometimes it's even hard to put descriptive words to how it feels. The person just knows it's a living hell. At it's worst, mine feels like I'm sky diving without a parachute.

I've dealt with anxiety my whole life, but as a kid I didn't know what it was or how to describe what I was feeling. If I said I was nervous before speaking in front of a class or a dance performance, I was told everyone gets nervous before a performance. These types of dismissals aided and hindered me as I grew up.  It aided me by giving me the will to push through those feelings and "appear" ok, but it hindered me by not letting me name my problem. Had I been able to name anxiety, I could have started my healing/coping process sooner.

It's only been recently that I realized it was anxiety I dealt with as a kid. More specifically social anxiety. I was reading a tumblr post (I know soooo scientific) describing being terrified of saying the word "here" for roll call in school. It talked about rehearsing saying the word "here" in their head hoping to not forget when it came their turn. I did that, every class, every year, even in college. I HATE talking about myself in front of a group of people. I hated the "Lets go around the room and tell us something about yourself" exercises in class. My heartbeat would quicken, I'd get shortness of breath, and then I'd rehearse what I was going to say till it was time for me to speak. Then what I rehearsed would not be what came out of my mouth. Once the ordeal was over my physical symptoms would subside, but it never got easier. I just got better at pushing which made me better at identifying what triggers my anxiety which in turn helps me manage it better.

Identifying my triggers has been HUGE in managing my symptoms when they arise. It gives me the grounding I need. This way when a worrisome thought hijacks my brain I can recognize when the worry starts to become irrational. I can seek out help from friends and coworkers to help talk me back down to reality.

I've also found that yoga helps manage my symptoms. It's not necessarily the active meditation that helps me (which it does), but it's more so the poses. They loosen my body, my muscles. I think for me that's where I hold a lot of my tension. I'll be sitting on the couch and realize I've been tense and I'm not sure for how long.   A couple months ago I found Yoga with Adrienne on youtube and it's helped. I didn't realize how tight my body was until I started doing some of her programs. After the first 30 days (non-consecutive cause ya know life happens), I felt infinitely better. With my anxiety mounting this week I just realized that it's been a week and a half since I did yoga. It's really easy for me to get off track with the tools I have to help manage my anxiety.

I'm not perfect at managing my anxiety. I also don't always realize I'm functioning in an anxious state until it's pretty intense. But I now at least have some tools to get myself back to a manageable state.

The goal of this post was to give me an outlet for the anxiety I've been feeling. If I can write about it and get things out of my head, they're less likely to roll around and give me trouble. Should someone else stumble across this and gain comfort knowing they're not the only one who deals with anxiety (cause it's very isolating), then great.

Till next time.

An Army of Kittehs!

In my journey to get rid of scrap/stash yarn, I was randomly searching ravelry one night and found the most adorable cat knitting pattern. When I say adorable, I mean so cute it hurts. Just look at them!

The two end kitties are from the pattern by Linda Dawkins (you can visit her etsy store here.) Clearly the middle kitty doesn't quite belong. I did a little impromptu crocheting after being inspired by the Beans the Cat knitting pattern.

What I truly love about these (besides the fact they're so freaking adorable) is they knit up super quick and they use all the random scrap yarn I have lying around. I'd say it takes me maybe 45 minutes from casting on to stuffing and sewing everything together to finish these. They're great for TV knitting.

Of course I couldn't just stop at three friends I had already created. More were begging to be made, so I decided to create more adorableness.....

All of these lovely, adorable babies were made as gifts and have found very good homes.

My original plan with the scrap yarn I have was to make a patchwork blanket. However I think that idea is going out the window and I will create myself an army of knited kittehs! They will attack everyone with their cute adorableness.

I purposefully leave the eyes off to give them a unique look. The original pattern didn't have whiskers on the kitty. Funny thing is I could have sworn it did which is why I added them. Funny what our brains autofill what we think should be there.


I like the idea of making these and just having them around to randomly give out as gifts. I can guarantee that most people will think they are adorable even if they're not cat people.

Until next time.....

Lucid dream

Continuing from last post, I finished the Violet Waffles hat!  It is now washed, blocked, dried, and ready to wear. :)

Behold the loveliness

My favorite parts of this hat are the swirl pattern at the top, how the color flows like a sideways chevron, and that it appears to be self-striping yarn.  I did not intend for any of these things to happen....they just did.

Comparing the work up of Prism vs Hidden Rainbow two very different effects happened. The Hidden Rainbow colors were more sporadic than the Prism. See for yourself:

Both sets of gloves are beautiful in their own right, but I'm more in favor of the Prism.

I've used several different colorways in the Lucid Dream sock yarn from Julianna's Fibre  for different projects: Hidden Rainbow, Prism, Dask, and Midnight Radio. (link to her etsy page is here)  Each project that was knit with this yarn was gorgeous. This yarn always works up nicely, is extremely soft, and very durable. I look forward to see what new color ways this dyer comes up with in the future.

Pictured below on the top from left to right are
Hidden Rainbow/Prism, Prism, Dask

Bottom is Midnight Radio made in the Zilver shawl (found on ravelry.)

It's so pretty.........

As I've been working through project stash buster, I've realized that there isn't a huge variety in the "brand" of yarn I purchase. In some podcasts I listen to I always hear about Cascade, Madelinetosh, Malabrigo, etc. I've used different varieties of Cascade and absolutely love Madelinetosh, but I usually lean towards yarn from Tanis Fiber Arts or Julianna's Fibre.

I ran across Julianna's Fibre while perusing etsy one day. I saw this goregous skein called "Hidden Rainbow." 3/4 of the yarn was this stormy grey color and the other 1/4 was a solid strip of the rainbow. Around the time I saw this yarn I had already instated the cannot buy any more yarn rule. I was so intrigued by this yarn that I had to buy a skein so I could see how it looked worked up. So I bent the rules just a smidge (it was right around my birthday after all) and I bought a skein with some birthday money.

When it comes to buying yarn, I don't mind spending a little extra on one skein. I can justify the higher price if it's only one skein. If it's two skeins forget it, somehow the logic for spending the extra on one skein does not apply to two. I also like to think I'm cheating the system a bit by buying only 1 skein of fingering weight yarn which gives me roughly 420 yards. It's just enough to make a nice shawl, scarf, or matching set of hat and fingerless gloves.

With all of that said, I wanted to make the most out of my lovely skein so I made a hat and gloves. I titled them my Ray of Hope hat and mits.

I was elated with how they turned out. Pops of color everywhere! I found both the Straighforward mits pattern by Mone Drager and the Swirl Hat pattern by Mandie Harrington on ravlery.com.  Both are free patterns and knit up quickly.

I absolutely loved everything about these gloves: the fit, the color, the warmth. The office I work in gets cold so fingerless gloves are the best way to keep my hands warm while being able to type. I wore these all the time until one day at lunch I lent them to my mom. Yes I am privileged enough to work at the same establishment as my mother. It's nice being able to have lunch with her everyday.

On this particular day was the first cold hit of winter we had experienced this season. My mom was extra cold and I had brought my gloves with me to lunch. I let her borrow them because I had a couple other pairs in my desk (I love fingerless gloves).  Days and weeks went by and my gloves never made it back home to my desk.

It was at this point that I figured I would never have these gloves in my possession again. They had gone to a good home so I wasn't heartbroken over it. Besides I made the in the first place, so why not buy another skein of the yarn and make myself another set? I did precisely that and I'm currently in the middle of that project. I decided to do another glove and hat set because that is how I intended the first set to be so of course I had to pass along the hat to my mother.

I went back to the juliannasfibre etsy page and didn't find the "Hidden Rainbow" colorway, but I found one better. It's called "Prism." A beautiful mixing of black yarn and neon rainbow
 
Behold the beauty......

I'm loving how the gloves and hat are turning out. This go around I kept the same pattern for the gloves but choose the Violet Waffles hat by Halldora J. which I also found on ravlery. 99% of the pattern I use are from ravlery.com

It's funny to me how two yarns of similar design can work up so differently. The color of the "Hidden Rainbow" skein was more random than the "Prism" skein. The colors for "Prism" are more color blocked. I'm sure this phenomenon might be related to my gauge and also the dying technique used. I can't remember if the rainbow section lengths were the same for each skein or if one was slightly larger.

I should be able to finish and block the hat tonight. I'll post pictures of the finished products. Until then, ta ta.

Project Stash Buster

Towards the middle of last year I realized my yarn stash was growing faster than it was dwindling. My plan had always been to have little or no stash. The idea of beautiful, unused yarn just waiting to be picked for the perfect project always bothered me. My stash grew to cover my living room.

As I purchased each new skein of yarn, I always had a project in mind. I at least wanted to have some direction even if I didn't get to the project right away. My problem was....and still is that I love yarn. I love the colors, the weights, the fibers, and everything that yarn can become. I eventually had to put restrictions on myself when buying new yarn. The restriction was to not buy any new yarn with the exception of purchasing an extra skein of the same color I already owned in order to finish a project.

Once I made this rule, I also decided I needed to work through what I had. This spawned the idea of Project Stash Buster. I can't say how many yards I've busted through, but I've gone through 12 1/2 skeins. :) I'm pretty proud of myself. Here's just a few of the projects I've completed in the last 6 months.

Feeling accomplished with busting through so much yarn, I have to admit I bent the rules just a tiny bit......or a lot. I've added 12 more skeins to my collection so all the hard work of stash busting was for naught. I like to think of it as what I already worked through made room for the the new skeins I bought.

Here's why I couldn't resist........a couple of my favorite independent dyers (Juliannasfibre on etsy and Tanis from www.tansifiberarts.com) and knitpicks.com either had yarn sales or specialty yarn that only comes around once or twice a year. I couldn't resist the call of the oh so lovely skeins, so I caved and added to the stash.

I know I'll eventually get to all the projects I have planned, but it most certainly will not be a linear path.

Partially successful

I dyed my second skein of yarn last week and I must say it turned out better than the first. This go around I decided to hand-paint the yarn rather than kettle dye. I had to pick up some additional materials to do this otherwise it would have been a huge disaster.

One of the materials I needed were bottles that had a tip so I could control how much dye solution was coming out. The bottles look like mini versions of old ketchup and mustard bottles diners use to have.

I was surprised at how hard it was to find these. I looked everywhere and couldn't find them. I thought surely there would be some in the kids craft section of most stores......big NO there. I finally asked an employee of one store to help me out.  I was taken to the cake decorating section and viola! there they were. They were bigger than I anticipated but they'd do the trick.

I prepped all my materials as needed: the yarn soaked in a vinegar water bath for a good 3 hours to make sure all the fibers were soaked, I mixed my dyes and wrote down how much of each dye I used to get the color, and I laid down cling wrap on the counter to protect my surface.

As I started dyeing I realized that I had forgotten one very important material......rubber gloves! I wasn't going to let this stop me from dyeing. I attempted to do a makeshift glove from my roll of cling wrap.  It sorta worked but it didn't stop my hands from being covered in dye. Good news is the dye washed off fairly quickly. By mid-week I only had remnants around my nail beds

Once the skein was dyed to my liking, I used the microwave method for heat to set the color. I gleaned this method from a youtube video. I've watched so many I don't quite remember which one it was to give them any credit.

My vision for this yarn as to have 3 blocks of color and leave the other part the natural color of the yarn. I had this picture of how cool the color would look after the yarn was hanked. The results weren't exactly what I had pictured, but it was still pretty cool looking.  I originally had wanted to see more of the bare color and less of the dye. I'll know next time to make my color sections a bit smaller.

I can't wait to see how this looks once it's worked up. I'm not sure what I'll make yet but I'm sure it'll be fabulous when I do.

I did it!

New Year's Eve this year was a day I hope we never have to repeat. Main reason being the area where I live was massively flooded. Worst I have ever seen. Two of our major interstates were closed and needless to say if I had any plans or wanted to head somewhere it was next to impossible to do so.

So what did I do with my New Year's Eve? I dyed yarn. I was itching to try out the dye kit I got for Christmas. I had prepped myself by watching several youtube videos and  looking at some of my Pinterest Boards to get an idea of how things should be done.

I chose to kettle dye the yarn first go around. I thought this would be a fun way to create a lovely tonal yarn. I wanted to choose colors that would blend well together so I went with blue, red, and purple. Depending on where I dropped the colors there would be a nice shift from the red to the blue to the purple.

I gathered all my materials, prepped the yarn, and mixed my dyes. Mixing the dyes proved interesting because there really weren't concrete instructions of what ratios to mix. I started with an 1/8 of teaspoon of dye and 1 oz of water. I didn't want to waste the dye so I thought I'd start off with a small amount.

Everything was moving along beautifully, until I dropped the color into the pot with the yarn.  I hadn't accounted for the fact that a liquid will always run down the side of the vessel it's poured out of when it is poured slowly. I was using small Anchor brand glass bowls. Great for holding things, not so great for precisely dropping color in a kettle.

After I dropped the first color, the idea I had pictured of this cleanly, beautifully dyed skein of yarn was shattered. I dropped the rest of the colors and made the best of it. I used my spatula to stir the bath ever so gently to get the colors to mix and distribute. I also made a mental note to get decent bottles with tips or some type of syringe for next time.

Time elapses, yarn cools, I wash the yarn, and then commences the dying process.  It took a day or two for the yarn to fully dry. I put it outside but it was in the 30's so quick drying wasn't an option.

Overall I wasn't too fond of the skein at first. The colors were a bit too muddied for me and well since it didn't turn out like the picture in my head I was convinced it was a failure.

Now that it's been almost 5 days since everything was said and done, I can say the skein is growning on me and I'm excited to see how it looks like knitted up.  The picture below is the skein both with and without the flash. The flash makes the colors pop more, but the non-flash photo is a more accurate representation of the color.